Well I still haven't heard from J., but I am feeling much better about it now. If he wants to do things this way I can manage. I do wish it were different. I wish I didn't have to go through this alone. But in the end I'm sure I'll be better off without him.
Yesterday I ran into an old friend at a shopping plaza. I was looking for a new bathing suit, since the weather is perfect for swimming and it is my firm opinion that pregnant women should not wear bikinis, which are all I have.
Anyway, he came up to me in the parking lot and we talked for quite a while. I told him about the pregnancy (it is not obvious yet), and he ended up going shopping and to lunch with me and then driving me home.
It was strange, though. This is a person who definitely used to be interested in dating me. Coming along with me was his suggestion, but he made it before he knew I was pregnant. After I told him he was still perfectly cordial--and he still followed me along to lunch and offered to drive me home--but I could tell something was different. He just wasn't as excited to be there.
Not that I don't understand this, because of course I do. It's just something I've never experienced before. But I think maybe it is good. Maybe now I can see what it's like to truly be "just friends" with a man, without constantly knowing that he has an ulterior motive.
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I was once a runway model . . . I am now a microbiology student . . . I am pregnant and alone . . . and this is what is happening to me.
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